“Playboy Bandit” on the Loose
Ladies, do not worry. He is not dangerous and he wouldn’t know what to do with you if he caught you. And he couldn’t catch you because he is the size of a beached whale. The “he” I am referring to is the FBI-dubbed “Playboy Bandit.” The rather large 40-45 year-old man was caught on surveillance last month robbing a Charter One Bank in Alsip, Illinois. He made off with an undisclosed sum of money, somehow out-maneuvering law enforcement officials. The truly baffling question is: “what kind of a dude would wear a Playboy hat in public?” Clearly, we are dealing with a very virginal dude. I have a feeling the Playboy Bandit is currently looking to end his 45 year coochie-free existence by using Charter One funds in Chicago’s Red Light district.
